all signs point to Spain...

I just turned the TV on, and a show called "On The Road Again Spain" is on. It is so awesome. Just watching it makes me want to go there RIGHT NOW! Here is the website for the show:

http://www.spainontheroadagain.com/

wow...

My Christmas was absolutely amazing. There is just no other way to describe it. The people that I got to spend time with were amazing; relatives and friends alike. I had so much fun being with my family, eating cookies, drinking wine and giving and opening presents. I got everything I wanted, did everything I wanted to do and just had an absolutely perfect day.

fear keeps me here

I wonder a lot of the time why I am so scared to do anything different. Is it because I am getting older and more set in my ways? Some days, I want to go to Spain and law school and get away from my day to day grind of a job. Other days, however, I like my easy every day life. I am not really challenged at all, in any way. I mean sure, there are deadlines, there is a lot of work to do, but I don't really ever feel like there is anything all that new or intellectually stimulating going on at work.

I think that as soon as I leave work to go to law school, I will never look back and say, "oh no, what have I done", but it is hard to break out of my simple life. It is hard to think about selling my house and having to live in a small apartment again. It is hard to think about not having any money and not being able to run out to spend $100.00 on art or jeans or dinner if I want to. That makes me sound really spoiled, I realize.

I have decided that I am absolutely leaving work to go to law school starting in 2010. That means my law school application will be due in November or December of 2009. I know that is going to be upon me before I know it, and I will be scared all over again. I think that I will truly regret not going out and trying it, but I would never look back and regret taking the chance. I don't want to be riddled with regret on my death bed. I have to do it!

at the risk of sounding like an angst ridden teen...

My mom will just never be satisfied with what I do with my life. I think that tonight when I told her I was planning to take a leave of absence from work in order to go study abroad in Spain to finish up my B.A. in Spanish (which is her native language, which I am studying to learn more about my heritage and which I have a straight 4.0 in - yes 4.0 in my entire degree - yes - every class) she must not have heard me right. I don't know - she reacted almost as badly as she did when I told her I was gay 13 years ago. She acted like I am crazy, and told me that I really need to think this out more. Then she said that we could talk more about this later, as if she really has a say about what I do with my life. I AM 31 DAMMIT! I have been in my own career for eight years now, and I make my own money. I own my own home, I don't go to my parents for money or sustenance or for anything really, other than support and love, and sometimes I just really don't think that they get that.

I just feel so frustrated and so unsupported right now.