I had one of the best weekends this weekend. I really enjoyed the time I was able to spend with friends. I think that it is rare for me that I actually relax and live in the moment and enjoy the time I am having and am not really thinking about anything else.

I sometimes think though, that just when you let yourself go and really get into the moment, that is when you are the most vulnerable. When I say vulnerable, I mean that you could just get lost in feelings instead of being mentally aware of what is going on, and being able to guard against any type of heartache. I sometimes think it is crazy to think that way; to always be on guard and worrying about your heart and feelings, but at the same time, I like to live my life that way and make sure I am not setting myself up for failure. However, I have really been trying to loosen up on those feelings. I have been trying to live more in the moment and give in to feelings instead of thinking everything out so much. It is difficult to let go of reason sometimes though...

You'll get your money
I'll get my friends
Hard living's forgiven
In the end

You got your troubles
I got mine
On a clear day I can
Read your mind

Oh it's like a battlefield inside

You got to
Give a little love
To get a little love
Give a little love

I know you better
Than you want me to
Inside your pockets
And walking in your shoes

Oh it can get better if you try

You got to
Give a little love
To get a little love
Give a little love

I keep you close
In my wildest dreams
My rear-view mirror
And you're waving to me
Our last goodbye

You got to
Give a little love
To get a little love
Give a little love

I hope you
Give a little love
To get a little love
Give a little love

- Rilo Kiley

So, as funerals go, my friend's mom's was great. That doesn't quite seem right to say, but what I mean is that when I die, I hope my funeral is as special as hers was.

Her children and even her ex husband spoke beautifully about her and really eulogized her well. There was a video of pictures of her and the words of her life story accompanied by her niece playing the piano. Then, at least 10 people, probably more like 15 came up to share personal interactions they had with her that left a lasting impression; students, friends, relatives... It was just absolutely awesome. Again, I know awesome and funeral don't go together, but really I don't have a better way to describe it. To say it was nice would be an understatement.

I have also decided that I absolutely want to be cremated. I don't people's last memory of me to be me lying in a coffin looking dead. That is creepy. I want people to remember me through photos and stories, just like was done this weekend.

at least it is a nice day

I am going to my best friend's mom's funeral today. She was only 61 when she died. I am not sure how it will go, but really I am just wishing the best possible day for my friend...

the weather was perfect for thinking

Today I realized that some of the best times I have are when I am by myself. Then I tried to figure out if that is awesome or a little bit sad. The jury is still out, but preliminary indications are that it is awesome.

I also started thinking about how it is somewhat strange that the people you care about most are the same people that infuriate you the most. How can you fix that? I am still working on the solution to that one.

Right now I am reading a book about how to write a personal statement that "will get you into law school". Really, I think my life is boring and my essay is sub-par, but maybe it is just because I know me, and I know what my life is about. Maybe the admissions folks will think I am interesting enough to let me in to their school. Yet again, only time will tell. One day soon, I will stop having to say that.

tomorrow

Well, it is here. I almost wrote finally here, but that wouldn't make much sense because it seems like this day has come much faster than I thought it would. I am about to take the LSAT tomorrow. I am sure I will do fine. At least I know I will do well enough to get into some school. The question is, will I get in to U of M? Only time will tell. Three weeks after I take the test, I will know my score, and have a better feel for my options. I am trying not to think much about that, I am trying just to concentrate on taking the test and doing my best.

I am also trying to concentrate on not picking up any of my books to study today. I have become slightly obsessed with studying for this test over the past couple of months, and it is hard not to feel like I should keep on studying. I know it will not help for me to study more today, in fact it will probably overwhelm my brain, but the books are sitting right here....

I did plan to do a little bit of review - for an hour only. Then I am going to have a nice relaxing day - get a pedicure, see a movie, go to the YMCA, etc.

I can't wait to put away all of these books that are cluttering my house from studying. Oh, and I also can't wait to not have to study all of the time. Well - at least I get a break until I start law school.